Update #2 The Daughter

Oh my daughter......
She's quite possibly the most patient, kind, sweetest, thing I've ever met.  Every day, I don't deserve such a sweet girl but I'm so grateful she's mine.  
One of my biggest worries when we found out Christian was coming, was that I would have to share time and not have enough for her.  I expected some jealousy, some frustration, some melt downs because she had to share me and daddy with Christian.  To my surprise, we've had almost none of that.  She's been the most adorable sister with her brother.  Every time she walks into the room, he lights up and gets all excited.  Every interaction he's had with her has been fun or mushy.  It's such a sweet process to see them love each other so much.  It brings tears to these mommy eyes.
This is one of many nap times between mommy and daughter.....Oh, I love nap time!

Christmas morning 2014.....that cheesy smile is still so funny to me.

 In this photo, she's being brave and holding her cousin's gecko. I love this girl.

 In this picture, Christian is just a few hours old and she was so delighted to hold her baby brother all by herself.  I can't imagine my life without this little beauty.  What a gift they both are to this mommy.

 My beautiful little family.  It's rare to get us all in one photo.

First thing in the morning, and she has movie star bed head.  Not fair....so not fair.  :o)

Update #1-The Mommy

This is Me......the mom.  In this picture I am just finding places all over my house I could lie down and still "play" or be with Makenna.  I can't believe how patient she was during my pregnancy. 

In this picture, I am about 8 1/2 months pregnant and able to get up and move around finally.  I got ready for the day and wanted to document it!  Plus, my mom reminded me that I should probably take some pregnancy pictures as I had neglected that a bit this time.

At the mall taking my picture by the stork.  When I was pregnant with Makenna, I was so excited to have a reason to park there.  My mom insisted we get another one with Christian.  :o)  At the top of the sign it says "expectant mothers".  So cute.

And just like that, pop, I'm out there!  Baby boy was showing and my belly was enormous.  I was very ready to have this boy here.  It had been a LONG day and night for awhile in this picture.   However, Darren always knows what I need.  I love that guy.

If you look closely, you will see my niece's gecko on my belly and crawling on my hand.  It was fun to see it run around on my belly.  I know, I'm a nerd.

While I was pregnant, my mother was a huge source of help.  Every. single. Sunday. she made dinner for us, helped with Makenna, and rubbed my back.  There's no way we could've both fulfilled our callings, been parents, and been pregnant, without her help.  And this is just what she did for us on Sunday, let alone the other 6 days of the week.  She did it willingly, and happily.  I'm so thankful for her.

This was taken about 2 days before I was due to deliver.  Mom and I went and got pedicures so I would have cute toes for D-day.  I loved it and I was so glad she came with me so I wouldn't have to go alone.

The Parable of the Primary President

So, my life these days, includes the following.....

*Being Mommy, to two little ones

*Being the Primary President in our very large ward

*Being a wife (which I am subpar at most of the time)

*Being Mommy

*Being Mommy

*Being Primary President

You can see the pattern that is emerging here.  Notice, I have not listed Frequent Showerer, Planned Exerciser, Amazing Daughter & Granddaughter, awesome Visiting Teacher, Wonderful Neighbor..... {insert giant eyeballs and no smile}.

I'm really trying not to fall into the trap of getting down on myself for all that i feel like I should be doing. In all honesty, I was 35 when my babies came, and I knew I would forfeit many things both for them and to be with them.  There are days that I think "how is it possible I ran around all day and got absolutely nothing done?!"  The good news, is all that I am doing, or feel like is consuming my time, I truly, truly love.  Primary President is one of those things.  

At a training, my friend and current Stake Primary President, wrote this to read to us.  We were laughing so hard, we were holding our bellies and wiping the tears.  Trina is gifted in so many ways.  I truly hope to live up to her example by the time I'm 195 years old.  One of those gifts, is her humor.  Combine that with writing, and it's golden.  Read below The Parable of the Primary Presidency.  But only, only if you are ready to wet your pants.

                                          The Parable of the Primary Presidency

And lo it came to pass in the valley of the spuds that there lay a small stake called the Foothills.  And in this stake there were many women, yea women of great talent and much courage who were called to serve in Primary.

And they went about preparing and reading and studying that they may strengthen the youth of Zion.  Yea that one day they may sit still in their seats.

And it came to pass that on the first day of the week it was the Sabbath and Saints were commanded to meet together and to bring their children and to not feed them sugar beforehand.  But lo, many did murmur and said: "You speaketh hard things against us.  We are just trying to make it through Sacrament meeting."

And now it came to pass that they did follow the direction of the children to the Primary room and they did exhort them with all the energies of their souls and all the faculties which they did possess to be quiet.  Yea they spake much unto them concerning reverence and keeping their hands to themselves.  All this was done in the hopes that the Bishop didn't walk by.

Yea, they began to teach the doctrine and to prepare them in all things and it seemed as if it had been a day, a night and a day, but lo, it had only been 5 minutes.

And it came to pass that the secretary went about to take the record of the Church and we know them to be just and true.  And now as she was going about doing her work she was astonished.  Yea, she saw something grievous to be borne.  The Valiant 11 class had no teacher, yea no one to control the youth playing spiritual hangman.  And she asked, "Do ye have a teacher?"  And the class yelled, "Yea yea we do."  But they tell us these things and worketh many things by their cunning arts to get away with no teacher!  And so the secretary set about to find a substitute.  And when she had wandered the halls endlessly and to no avail she found TV and VCR and plugged it in for them.

And behold back in the Primary room it was time for the talks and sharing of scripture and reciting the Articles of Faith.  And it came to pass that the talk was missing and could be found no where so the President did what she had to do and called on her own child.  Yea and the subject was good media and the child said, "We watch R rated movies all the time!"  And the President said, "Oh that I could be swept off the face of the land to a place far, far away."

And it came to pass that many professed they needed a drink of water and to go to the bathroom during the lesson but verily I say unto you, they did not.

And again the secretary set about to check the classrooms and heard wailing and crying ascending up forever and ever and it hath no end.  Yea, she had come to the nursery.  And behold she cast her eyes about to see fruit loops flying and bubbles everywhere.  And the teachers cried, "Stay!  Stay!" and she heard them not and hurried off to the Primary room.

And thus began the singing time and the Presidency gave a sigh of relief that they may stop their endless running around and re-group.  And they did remember the Temple Challenge given to them by the Stake and wondered if they were crazy.  And they began conversing about the great program in October and said, "Woe are we!"

And it came to pass that there was a voice heard throughout the room.  For it was a loud opera voice coming from a 6 year old and many did giggle and point causing the voice to become louder and louder.  And the Presidency did look to the voice and lo it was the 2nd Counselor's son.  And she was exceedingly angry and whispered in his ear, "Just wait till we get home."

Now their was a time looked forward to all in Primary.  Yea, that time was 2 hours and 55 minutes.  For some it was 11:55 or 1:55 and yet, to others it was 3:55.  But the interpretation of it all was the same; it's almost over.

And it came to pass that the President got up to close the meeting and noticed a half eaten cheerio stuck to her skirt.  And as many such things were found on her skirt she did pull them off and wondered how long they had been there.  And she did began to identify the doctrine and to help the children understand it and a quiet hush came over the Primary like had never been heard all day.  And the Spirit did testify to them and the teachers did help the children recognize what they were feeling was the Spirit.  And behold the Presidency was filled with joy for they knew that the purpose of Primary had been accomplished

--Trina Weatherson

Ammon Foothills Stake

This is my new mantra......and I just love it....

Yep, We Are Still Alive

Every time I blog, I feel like I have to apologize to my blog like I do to my journal.  So, I'm done guilt posting/writing.  If I don't post it's because I literally can't, because I really like to.  I miss everyone I don't see often enough, which is most of you!  :)

So, news on the Lotz Family front is this little surprise person......

And as a result, there has ONLY been this for months.  Literally.  Three plus months I have gone from my bed to here.  It's been rough.

There has also been A LOT of this......and it's been a little taxing on this Mommy's spirits.  I had such plans for this summer with baby girl, and she's been cooped up with a shut in for most of it.  However, I feel so blessed to have had so much time to just nap with her, play dolls, watch movies, and read stories.  I've been trying to embrace my "Tuesdays With Morrie" side and just enjoy what is. 

Here is a picture of the mom, finally, on an evening I was upright for a little while.  

I did not expect to feel so down being pregnant again.  I've felt such gratitude that we got one and so worried we wouldn't be able to give her a sibling.  So this was such an amazing surprise after I miscarried in January.  We were shocked and delighted and shocked again when we found out in May.  
After just a couple of weeks, the excitement was overwhelmed by being so sick. Being that sick for so long can wear on the resiliency of anyone.  After almost 2 1/2 months, I started bleeding and that scared me to death.  That lasted more than 2 weeks but never progressed to miscarrying.  I have the best doctor, who I love very much, and we found out I had some Placenta Previa going on.  
We will do another ultrasound in a couple of weeks to check things, but bleeding has stopped and I think things are moving and adjusting as they should be.
Sometimes I chat with this little one and I remind it of all the worry it has put it's mother through, and that's all it gets for the rest of it's life.  
Baby girl is very excited for a new baby.  Not quite as much as she is to become a Sunbeam after Christmas and come into Mommy's "big meeting". (Primary)
With Darren and my calling, we are laughing at the idea of adding a new baby to the mix of our lives, but  we know it will all be fine or shift.  We both are grateful for the purpose it gives us and the social exposure it gives all three of us in a ward that still feels a bit new.  
I am looking at the calendar and realizing I have to plan a Primary Program (because I am at the year mark) for over 100 children, and that seems a little daunting.  I'm so thankful for such a supportive presidency, and husband.
We are always prayerful for Darren's brother and his family as their youngest, Lydia, was born with TCS http://www.tsalliance.org/index.aspx.  She went through brain surgery Friday and will have another surgery this week.  Pray for her, and for Greg and Miranda, and for their other children.  
Makenna lost her blanket while we were at BYU-I for my sister-in-law's graduation.  You have to know that this child adores her blanket.  More than anything else, it is her most valuable possession.  I spent hours looking for it, calling about it, trying to find the exact fabric.  The night we lost it and I had searched everywhere, I just bawled.  I'm walking around in the dark looking and praying while tears rolled down my face knowing I would have to face her and tell her it's gone.  And that was a piece of fabric.  What Greg and Miranda are going through I can't imagine and can only feel a microscopic sliver of part of it.  Words are inadequate, prayers are powerful but it doesn't seem like enough, and the waiting......waiting can be the hardest.  So hug and adore the children around you, and while you are at it, send up a prayer of gratitude for what you have, and a prayer for Lydia.  

Hi, Remember Us?

So, the Mom in this picture has been a terrible blogger and many of you have reminded me of that.  We have had a few months that can't quite be summed up with the English language.  It's been crazy and I hope that part of my repentance will include being better at updating this blog.
In September, our ward was split, and later that week we were invited into the Bishop's office.  We knew this.  Our new Bishopric has an entire ward to staff in a week.  So we are getting ready to meet with the bishop, and I chuckle to myself thinking "it's about time Darren got a more complicated calling" because it's usually Darren they seem to have mercy on.  (He might disagree with this) I think Heavenly Father appreciates irony more, because of me.  The Bishop proceeded to ask me to serve as our new ward's Primary President.  He then extended a calling to Darren to serve in the Young Men's presidency.  To say the least, we were surprised and since September we have been swamped.  I've never been a part of a ward from the ground up, let alone the President of an organization, especially one so large.  It has taught me many, many, many things.  It challenged me more than I ever thought and our family went from average to crazy busy overnight.
I've heard many leaders in the church on every level talk about how they pray for us, they love us, they think about us everyday....and in the back of my mind, I thought it was all very nice.  Now I know that to be true.  I pray for and worry about every. single. child. and teacher under my stewardship.  I also see how much of this goes on behind the scenes.  My plea to every member everywhere is this: serve.  Be open minded, be open hearted with callings, with new leadership, with mistakes.
I remember the strongest impression that came to me one morning not long after, that if Darren and I put our little family first, and each other, that these callings will prove to draw us closer together as a family.  I know this to be true already.  And when we aren't doing that, we feel it and our callings suffer.
In January, Darren's mom and dad were called to serve in the Westpoint, NY mission.  We all knew they would be serving a mission and doing it sooner than later.  I think it will be so amazing for both of them, but especially for Mom.  There are some major growth opportunities in a mission.

What I didn't expect to feel so soon, was their absence.  We live in Idaho, so we don't get to see them as often.  But I am feeling their absence even 3 hours away.  Clearly the growth in a mission situation isn't just for those who are gone.  

There have been other things that have driven us to our knees and we are forever grateful for our testimonies, but for our friends who are clearly, our family.  

As I write this and I think of our friends in the places we've lived, I'm humbled by the blessing it has been to have you in my life.  Hopefully soon, we'll see you.  

Here is to the possibility of me returning to blog before Christmas!!

A Fond Farewell

It's been awhile.....I hope to catch up eventually.  Maybe 2014 is my year!  However, since we cannot do Christmas cards this year.....here is our card to our family and friends.

Improper Nighttime Rituals

It's 1:00 in the morning. I have a little girl who will be up in about 6 hours, a full day ahead of me, just coming back from a monstrous kidney stone, and here I am.....awake.....telling all of you about it. I know why, too. I made poor choices before going to bed.
*I went to bed a little hungry, so now I have a lovely blood sugar headache.
*I watched part of a movie on my iPad, in a kinked, sideways position....so now my shoulders hurt
*Said movie, was a story about a boy who finds out he was kidnapped and then adopted as a young child and searches for his biological parents.
So I lay in bed for 3 more hours trying to suppress the fear I carry around that this could happen to my little girl. I worry about it all the time. I know part of it is lodged in a healthy awareness of the world we live in, but a large part of it is a tad nutty. I know this.
I think part of it is knowing how fragile this life is. I knew this before I had Makenna, but when Makenna was brand new, we had some friends lose their baby girl in a drowning accident on the Snake River. Something that seemed possible but kind of obscure, got real, very fast.
When I was lying awake, writhing in kidney stone agony, I had lots of time to ponder. And when I ponder, I am always overwhelmed with gratitude that Heavenly Father has blessed me with this beautiful life.
I took Makenna shopping for her birthday today and I was laughing and playing with her, and she just stopped, held my face and said "my mama".....which of course led to tears on Mommy's part. And I looked right in her eyes and said "yes, sweet girl. Your mama. Forever."
So I end this post, in the wise words of Cinderella....."Thank you, so much, for everything......"

Missing Mike

I have pondered on this post for a few months now. Mike passed away a week after his birthday last year, which consequently, landed on Leap Year. So this year, there isn't a day or date to mark the anniversary. I don't know if that would make it easier or harder, but for our sweet Camille, I hope easier.
Since Mike's death I have tried to take moments every day of my life and imagine myself without Darren by my side. I want the impact his death had on me not be a fleeting thing, but help to remember to be grateful for all that Today holds. Not to fear the unknown, but to stay present and grateful in Today.
Dear Mike,
I know you already know all that I am about to tell you but I wanted to write to you anyway. We have missed you. I think about you often and wonder what you are "anxiously engaged" in on your side of the veil. I know you are probably closer to your family in their everyday activities, but we sure miss you. You have to be so proud of Camille. She complains never, she laughs easily, she is busy helping all those around here, while trying to be 2 parents, and she's brilliant at it. I know you are using any venue to be near her, to strengthen her, to help strengthen her back, and comfort her heart.
I know that those that have passed on, are almost closer in other realms. I know that they can see us, they are near us, they talk to us, they inspire us, we dream about them, we sometimes stop and feel them near, and if we are lucky, we get to see or speak with them. I KNOW this is real and one of the many gifts our Father has given us.
I pray to fine tune my own gifts that I might SEE and HEAR the things beyond this life. We love you, Mike. Cheers to you, my sweet brother.

Take the Time For This Post.....

I KNOW, that He does keep His word....

#2--Favorite Christmas Present

For many reasons, what I love about Christmas, are not the usual things.  And for sure, it's never about what is under the tree, unless it's something I am giving to someone I love.

I love PREPARING for Christmas.  The magic is in the unfolding of ornaments, lights, music, smells, and all about a reason to give and to celebrate Him.  

I remember a few Christmases ago pondering the birth of the Savior, and feeling a particular closeness to Mary.  We did not yet share the title of Mother, but I found myself fascinated with her anew.  I envied her struggle, because at the end of the process, she had a beautiful baby to pour her love, her need to protect, her joy into.  She KNEW her baby was unlike any other.  She knew her baby came to live an incredible life.  She also knew her baby would encounter the best and worst that this world had to offer.

The Christmas before I delivered Makenna, I wondered if I would feel differently after having had a baby.  I don't.  

I know I am a pansy and couldn't deliver in a stable, while a man I had not known that long and whom I definitely didn't know in an intimate way, saw me in a very vulnerable light.  I know I could not "be still and know that I am God" while my child was abused, humiliated, and finally taken from me.  I came to realize that although we had much in common, Mary and I, I had a lot of growing to do.  I had a lot more trusting to do.  Something I thought I had mastered while I was waiting for Makenna to come, I realized that this IS a journey.  Nothing is ever mastered, not really.  There are levels, there are layers, it is a process.  

I do know this, however.....Christmas morning, everything looked bright because it WAS bright.  I had so much to be thankful for.  I had a few moments to watch me beautiful family sleep, and my cup felt so full, it frightened me.  I have SO much.  My prayers have been answered, and they will be answered again.  Life is a gift, being a mother is a privilege, and being a wife is a joy.

Of course, there are days I still want to scratch out my retinas, but I can step back and see the bigger picture.....and it is beautiful.

On that note.....

Part of Daddy's gift to Makenna, is taking her on a carriage ride through downtown SLC.  She ADORES horses, and got so excited at each house with Christmas lights this year, Darren thought this would be a perfect evening.  She loved it!  Honestly, we all loved it.  It's so beautiful downtown this time of year.  Utah is definitely home for me, in so many ways.

This year, Makenna got a trampoline for downstairs.  She loves it!  She also got some clothes, a keyboard, a new tricycle, and other things that she is still enjoying.  Most of the day, this is the face that we saw.....all smiles, happy as a clam because we were so excited for her.  

I'm actually surprised when I can pull off a great surprise for Darren.  He's sometimes easy to buy for but there isn't much out there that he wants.  This year, I completely surprised him with an iPhone.  This is the face I got when he realized what his gift was.  I just love it!!  My husband isn't the most demonstrative sometimes, so these are very fun for me.  

This is a similar look on my face.....only mine is "no you didn't!.....did you?!?!?"  This year was the year of my iPad.  I adore it.  I know it can't love me back, but I love this little item.  

We also were blessed with some beautiful things from the Holy Land this Christmas, as Darren's parents were able to go just before Thanksgiving.  They brought back some truly beautiful things from Jerusalem for Darren to use in his teaching, an olive wood nativity (that I adore) and my name in Hebrew to wear around my neck.  Both the spirit and the tangible gifts were very generous for our family this year.  

We were sick with bronchitis and the like for almost the entire month of December, so we were not able to do Christmas cards this year.  I would've been nuts.  Please forgive us and for those who sent us one, thank you thank you thank you!  We miss you and promise to make it happen in 2013!

#1--First Photo of 2013

My little snow angel, out enjoying a sleigh ride with Mommy on New Year's Day.  I pulled her around our neighborhood while Darren made little snowballs for her so she wouldn't eat the snow on the street.  She would eat snow each and every day if she could.  
In my old age, this photo will bring me back to her childhood.  The days when everything was new and magical and she didn't know fear.  The days when the entire world seemed to revolve around her and she knew she was something to be cherished. How I love this little girl.  

Les Procrastinate

Yep, it's me. The last few months have flown by, due to 4 weeks of sickness at our house, a husband who just graduated with his Masters Degree (yay!), and holidays that are back to back for 3 solid months. For those of you who sent us Christmas cards and didn't receive on from us, we will do better this year. We literally couldn't get it all done. I will be blogging about our 2012 in another post but wanted to wish you all a Happy New Year and tell you that we love you, wherever you are. I have many goals this year, and this fun little project was brought to my attention by my niece. Although it is a project for one month, we all know that isn't going to happen, so I'll plug long at it as I can. Cheers to 2013! May it be the best to come!

Our Summer

I'm not sure how we went from this tiny thing.....

....to this beauty.  It's gone by so fast.  My baby girl is old enough for nursery as of yesterday.  Have I made these last 18 months count?  Does she know that the sun rises and sets on her beautiful face?  Have I soaked up every precious ounce of time?  I don't know.....but I LOVE my job.  How did I live before she came?

We were avid Olympic watchers, and she took upon herself to embrace "au natural" sink drinking as her favorite event.  I promise, we do give her plenty of water.

She suddenly became so much older once I could do little ponies.  I have a toddler.....the baby is gone. 

I see this ball of smiles and sunshine all day long.....well, except when she's teething and when she's being an Anti-Napite.

Whenever she is at Grandma Suze's, she gets a blanket ride.  When she gets a blanket ride, Mom's cat, Eli, is the stowaway.  He just hangs on and lays there for a ride too.  Makenna is just totally perplexed by this black body behind her, just hanging on.

Ba-Ba and Daddee......both words she has mastered.....along with Mommeee, ball, Nana (banana), doggie, kitty, TOW (cow really loud).

Her first 4-wheeler ride with Mommy, the expert.  Daddy almost had a heart attack.

At the spray park in Rexburg.  It's awesome and she loves it!  However, she loves the carousel more.

 This face is actually over-excitement, not frightened.  She's kind of a little spaz with horsies.  Big time.

Trying on Grandpa's cowboy hat.....so dang cute in his hat!

We teach her odd tricks based on what new talents we see emerging.  The next two photos are showing how we can get her to scowl and smile at will.  So funny!

She loves water!...and being in control of it.  Plus, her Daddy can't sit Indian style, so I'm thinking she's doing this just to rub it in a little.

 My sweet baby brother got married in August.  Somehow he is old enough to do that.  I can't believe it, so I'm sure my parents are still reeling.  However, I gained an incredible sister.  She's beautiful inside and out.  And her sense of humor is so fun, I'm sure they fell in love just for me.  :o)  I'm so proud of him.

We went to Reed's Dairy so she could eat ice cream and pet a real pony and calf!  

Grandma Merle, Darren's grandmother, passed away as well.  We've had a lot of funerals on Darren's side of the family.  Grandma was one we expected to happen a little sooner than the others.  She lost her husband 6 weeks after their 3rd living child was born.  So to say the least, she has longed for this reunion.  I will always remember how much she coveted my hair, and how warm she welcomed me into the family.  She also had a big mouth, but so do I.....hopefully by the time I've transcended this life, I'll have made some progress.  :o)

Marilyn's siblings.....people I didn't grow up with but love as if they were my own.

 Makenna, who has known Aunt Colleen all of 15 minutes, perfectly content to go home with her.  See??  Makenna loves them as quickly as I did.

 It has been a busy summer.  Darren is still working on his Masters, just began his 2nd year teaching in Shelley, and preparing his final project.  Sometimes it feels like we are ships passing in the night but I am grateful every day for this life Heavenly Father has blessed me with.  I have a healthy family, I get to be the mother of this beautiful creature, I'm married to another beautiful creature, and I know and see the hand of the Lord in my life and the lives of those around me, everyday.