Improper Nighttime Rituals

It's 1:00 in the morning. I have a little girl who will be up in about 6 hours, a full day ahead of me, just coming back from a monstrous kidney stone, and here I am.....awake.....telling all of you about it. I know why, too. I made poor choices before going to bed.
*I went to bed a little hungry, so now I have a lovely blood sugar headache.
*I watched part of a movie on my iPad, in a kinked, sideways position....so now my shoulders hurt
*Said movie, was a story about a boy who finds out he was kidnapped and then adopted as a young child and searches for his biological parents.
So I lay in bed for 3 more hours trying to suppress the fear I carry around that this could happen to my little girl. I worry about it all the time. I know part of it is lodged in a healthy awareness of the world we live in, but a large part of it is a tad nutty. I know this.
I think part of it is knowing how fragile this life is. I knew this before I had Makenna, but when Makenna was brand new, we had some friends lose their baby girl in a drowning accident on the Snake River. Something that seemed possible but kind of obscure, got real, very fast.
When I was lying awake, writhing in kidney stone agony, I had lots of time to ponder. And when I ponder, I am always overwhelmed with gratitude that Heavenly Father has blessed me with this beautiful life.
I took Makenna shopping for her birthday today and I was laughing and playing with her, and she just stopped, held my face and said "my mama".....which of course led to tears on Mommy's part. And I looked right in her eyes and said "yes, sweet girl. Your mama. Forever."
So I end this post, in the wise words of Cinderella....."Thank you, so much, for everything......"

Missing Mike

I have pondered on this post for a few months now. Mike passed away a week after his birthday last year, which consequently, landed on Leap Year. So this year, there isn't a day or date to mark the anniversary. I don't know if that would make it easier or harder, but for our sweet Camille, I hope easier.
Since Mike's death I have tried to take moments every day of my life and imagine myself without Darren by my side. I want the impact his death had on me not be a fleeting thing, but help to remember to be grateful for all that Today holds. Not to fear the unknown, but to stay present and grateful in Today.
Dear Mike,
I know you already know all that I am about to tell you but I wanted to write to you anyway. We have missed you. I think about you often and wonder what you are "anxiously engaged" in on your side of the veil. I know you are probably closer to your family in their everyday activities, but we sure miss you. You have to be so proud of Camille. She complains never, she laughs easily, she is busy helping all those around here, while trying to be 2 parents, and she's brilliant at it. I know you are using any venue to be near her, to strengthen her, to help strengthen her back, and comfort her heart.
I know that those that have passed on, are almost closer in other realms. I know that they can see us, they are near us, they talk to us, they inspire us, we dream about them, we sometimes stop and feel them near, and if we are lucky, we get to see or speak with them. I KNOW this is real and one of the many gifts our Father has given us.
I pray to fine tune my own gifts that I might SEE and HEAR the things beyond this life. We love you, Mike. Cheers to you, my sweet brother.