The Many Faces of Motherhood

As a new mother, I am seeing those mothers around me in a fresher light. A light that, if you are watching, reflects the deepest parts of a mother's soul. I am familiar with the light of Longing, as I spent 11 years watching it reflect in me, my most personal and difficult heartaches. I won't ever forget what it felt like to be part of that club. Although I've graduated from that now, I do not feel any more worthy or deserving than my sisters who are still longing. In fact, I probably pray harder for them now than I ever did.
I have a friend who lost her little girl a few weeks ago in a drowning accident in the Snake River. I am seeing, firsthand, the light of Loss for a mother.......and if I thought Longing was difficult, Loss has a whole new dimension to it. At the viewing, that I could NOT miss, even though we weren't taking M out anywhere, I watched this mother. Since then, I have pondered on her daily. How would I get up in the morning if M was taken from me? Would I have the strength to see the face of Deity in this tragedy? Would I be such an example to others as I allowed them to love me, to weep with me, to share in this with me? Although, I thought it impossible, I have a new level of appreciation for my little M. For the late nights and early mornings. For the poopie diapers and throw up in my hair. For the crying, my chubby-post-baby body still, for the price of diapers, for the lack of me time, for my messy house now.......because it means She is here. Safe. With Me. Thank you Krissy.

Mayberry......in Idaho

Today was quite a beautiful day....considering it's rained and been windy for the longest time. I forgot that it's June and not February until this morning.I walked over to the Seminary with baby girl strapped to my chest in a baby Bjorn. We picked up Daddy and then walked down to the Post Office. We chatted with Judy for a bit about baby girl, her new little granddaughter, the weather, etc. We got our mail, started walking back. We waved at a few people and friends we know driving by. We noticed the comings and goings of the town hub, the convenience store. We spotted a teenage kitten playing in the grass and then hiding when he saw us coming. I left D at the Seminary, and continued home, through the park.....and I felt it. The sadness of leaving a place that has become home, and welcomed me (for the most part) into it, and then joy that I feel sad. This little town will hold a special place in my heart.
We've grown here, we've made family out of friends here, we bought our first home here.....I became a mother here.....