I have pondered, a lot, on some things this last month. Trying to post this in a blog can be interesting but I'll attempt to make a little sense. In my youth, and even sometimes today, I had the tendency to speak or act before engaging the brain. Thus, I often was surprised at the consequences....both good and not so good. So, I spent many years sometimes not saying how I really felt, or adding gallons of sugar to it so by the time I've finished the conversation the other person is left wondering whether we talked about salmon, Hawaii, or the news.
In my old age, I now realize that how I feel is important, in fact vital, for me. My feelings will change if they need to as I grow and mature both spiritually and emotionally. Life hands us those experiences one after another, as we all know. When engaging with others, oft times it is my delivery that is lacking. So I've tried to work on that and engage from a place of strength. A place where I feel centered, where I've taken into account all the information I can, and a place where I am acting instead of being acted upon.
I have found that engaging too much with "the world" isn't heightening my sensitivity to others in need, to living a better life, to becoming a more seasoned mother, a more patient and forgiving wife, or expecting the best out of people. I am finding that it is making me sick to my stomach, fearful for my daughter, angry at people as a body, and questioning the Lord's position with all this ugliness.
I do not read the newspaper......
I do not watch the news.....
I do not read books that are not enlightening.....
I do not read magazines that promote anything unkind, hurtful, or depressing.....
AND, I am not any less informed than you are. :)
However, my commitment to act is running a little deeper, a bit more clear, and a lot stronger these days.
Example 1:
Grocery shopping with 1 baby, takes 5 hours if done alone. Those of you who do it with 4 kids, I will forever bow for you. So, I wait until Saturday when Darren is home. He is a GREAT team player and knows what we buy. So whether he runs to grab something I forgot or be entertainment for Makenna, he is a huge helper. The drawback is the grocery store is 5 times as crowded. So I get to rub shoulders with MORE people that make my stomach turn. For example, the mother you can hear 3 aisles away calling her children who are 11 and 6 roughly, "idiots" and telling them to "get out of the way of other people" and how she "hopes someone will just run them over." I literally ruined our shopping experience by being a stalker to this woman in the store. One hit, one jerk, one more nasty comment, and I had the police station ready to call. Literally. My iPhone is programmed for situations like this because I am scared to death for what I am not seeing.
Example 2:
Reading in the paper (on the same page about the delightful age of drama queen children during family night) about a 9 year old girl who died because she ate a candy bar and then was forced, by her mother and grandmother to run for 3 hours. The potassium in her body was too low, so she had a seizure and died. She has a 3 year old little brother and her mother just had a baby while awaiting trial in jail. I wept and wept reading this story. I do not CARE if she has 14 mental illnesses. Where are you Dad? Or Judge who awarded custody?? Remember when it was unheard of for mothers to do such things. It was always the step dad? Not anymore. Remember when beautiful young families didn't show up in the news because the young mother/wife mysteriously went missing? Like anyone believes that.
In an attempt to maintain my own joy, to see the possibilities that surround us, to see the hand of God more clearly in my own life, I cannot afford to feel the life sucked out of me by the iniquity of the World. To that end, if you abuse your children in my presence, be prepared for a mother who WILL stand her ground. If you post anything that is offensive, I will block you. If you berate your spouse in my presence, I will stare you down, at the very least, while holding that infamous iPhone. The stare is worse, just FYI....I can kill a cactus with it.
I, also, will not post anything that doesn't make you laugh, make you feel inspired, help you to see the miracles that might surround you, or want you to take your own stand for those who are too innocent to stand for themselves. I figure, if I am following my Savior then there will be times we need to pull out our whips and "cleanse the temple" and times we need to weep with Mary. I am a mother and I am a companion and wife, and I hope in some small way I am a disciple....so, my family isn't the only one I feel compelled to protect.
