#2--Favorite Christmas Present

For many reasons, what I love about Christmas, are not the usual things.  And for sure, it's never about what is under the tree, unless it's something I am giving to someone I love.

I love PREPARING for Christmas.  The magic is in the unfolding of ornaments, lights, music, smells, and all about a reason to give and to celebrate Him.  

I remember a few Christmases ago pondering the birth of the Savior, and feeling a particular closeness to Mary.  We did not yet share the title of Mother, but I found myself fascinated with her anew.  I envied her struggle, because at the end of the process, she had a beautiful baby to pour her love, her need to protect, her joy into.  She KNEW her baby was unlike any other.  She knew her baby came to live an incredible life.  She also knew her baby would encounter the best and worst that this world had to offer.

The Christmas before I delivered Makenna, I wondered if I would feel differently after having had a baby.  I don't.  

I know I am a pansy and couldn't deliver in a stable, while a man I had not known that long and whom I definitely didn't know in an intimate way, saw me in a very vulnerable light.  I know I could not "be still and know that I am God" while my child was abused, humiliated, and finally taken from me.  I came to realize that although we had much in common, Mary and I, I had a lot of growing to do.  I had a lot more trusting to do.  Something I thought I had mastered while I was waiting for Makenna to come, I realized that this IS a journey.  Nothing is ever mastered, not really.  There are levels, there are layers, it is a process.  

I do know this, however.....Christmas morning, everything looked bright because it WAS bright.  I had so much to be thankful for.  I had a few moments to watch me beautiful family sleep, and my cup felt so full, it frightened me.  I have SO much.  My prayers have been answered, and they will be answered again.  Life is a gift, being a mother is a privilege, and being a wife is a joy.

Of course, there are days I still want to scratch out my retinas, but I can step back and see the bigger picture.....and it is beautiful.

On that note.....

Part of Daddy's gift to Makenna, is taking her on a carriage ride through downtown SLC.  She ADORES horses, and got so excited at each house with Christmas lights this year, Darren thought this would be a perfect evening.  She loved it!  Honestly, we all loved it.  It's so beautiful downtown this time of year.  Utah is definitely home for me, in so many ways.

This year, Makenna got a trampoline for downstairs.  She loves it!  She also got some clothes, a keyboard, a new tricycle, and other things that she is still enjoying.  Most of the day, this is the face that we saw.....all smiles, happy as a clam because we were so excited for her.  

I'm actually surprised when I can pull off a great surprise for Darren.  He's sometimes easy to buy for but there isn't much out there that he wants.  This year, I completely surprised him with an iPhone.  This is the face I got when he realized what his gift was.  I just love it!!  My husband isn't the most demonstrative sometimes, so these are very fun for me.  

This is a similar look on my face.....only mine is "no you didn't!.....did you?!?!?"  This year was the year of my iPad.  I adore it.  I know it can't love me back, but I love this little item.  

We also were blessed with some beautiful things from the Holy Land this Christmas, as Darren's parents were able to go just before Thanksgiving.  They brought back some truly beautiful things from Jerusalem for Darren to use in his teaching, an olive wood nativity (that I adore) and my name in Hebrew to wear around my neck.  Both the spirit and the tangible gifts were very generous for our family this year.  

We were sick with bronchitis and the like for almost the entire month of December, so we were not able to do Christmas cards this year.  I would've been nuts.  Please forgive us and for those who sent us one, thank you thank you thank you!  We miss you and promise to make it happen in 2013!

#1--First Photo of 2013

My little snow angel, out enjoying a sleigh ride with Mommy on New Year's Day.  I pulled her around our neighborhood while Darren made little snowballs for her so she wouldn't eat the snow on the street.  She would eat snow each and every day if she could.  
In my old age, this photo will bring me back to her childhood.  The days when everything was new and magical and she didn't know fear.  The days when the entire world seemed to revolve around her and she knew she was something to be cherished. How I love this little girl.  

Les Procrastinate

Yep, it's me. The last few months have flown by, due to 4 weeks of sickness at our house, a husband who just graduated with his Masters Degree (yay!), and holidays that are back to back for 3 solid months. For those of you who sent us Christmas cards and didn't receive on from us, we will do better this year. We literally couldn't get it all done. I will be blogging about our 2012 in another post but wanted to wish you all a Happy New Year and tell you that we love you, wherever you are. I have many goals this year, and this fun little project was brought to my attention by my niece. Although it is a project for one month, we all know that isn't going to happen, so I'll plug long at it as I can. Cheers to 2013! May it be the best to come!

Our Summer

I'm not sure how we went from this tiny thing.....

....to this beauty.  It's gone by so fast.  My baby girl is old enough for nursery as of yesterday.  Have I made these last 18 months count?  Does she know that the sun rises and sets on her beautiful face?  Have I soaked up every precious ounce of time?  I don't know.....but I LOVE my job.  How did I live before she came?

We were avid Olympic watchers, and she took upon herself to embrace "au natural" sink drinking as her favorite event.  I promise, we do give her plenty of water.

She suddenly became so much older once I could do little ponies.  I have a toddler.....the baby is gone. 

I see this ball of smiles and sunshine all day long.....well, except when she's teething and when she's being an Anti-Napite.

Whenever she is at Grandma Suze's, she gets a blanket ride.  When she gets a blanket ride, Mom's cat, Eli, is the stowaway.  He just hangs on and lays there for a ride too.  Makenna is just totally perplexed by this black body behind her, just hanging on.

Ba-Ba and Daddee......both words she has mastered.....along with Mommeee, ball, Nana (banana), doggie, kitty, TOW (cow really loud).

Her first 4-wheeler ride with Mommy, the expert.  Daddy almost had a heart attack.

At the spray park in Rexburg.  It's awesome and she loves it!  However, she loves the carousel more.

 This face is actually over-excitement, not frightened.  She's kind of a little spaz with horsies.  Big time.

Trying on Grandpa's cowboy hat.....so dang cute in his hat!

We teach her odd tricks based on what new talents we see emerging.  The next two photos are showing how we can get her to scowl and smile at will.  So funny!

She loves water!...and being in control of it.  Plus, her Daddy can't sit Indian style, so I'm thinking she's doing this just to rub it in a little.

 My sweet baby brother got married in August.  Somehow he is old enough to do that.  I can't believe it, so I'm sure my parents are still reeling.  However, I gained an incredible sister.  She's beautiful inside and out.  And her sense of humor is so fun, I'm sure they fell in love just for me.  :o)  I'm so proud of him.

We went to Reed's Dairy so she could eat ice cream and pet a real pony and calf!  

Grandma Merle, Darren's grandmother, passed away as well.  We've had a lot of funerals on Darren's side of the family.  Grandma was one we expected to happen a little sooner than the others.  She lost her husband 6 weeks after their 3rd living child was born.  So to say the least, she has longed for this reunion.  I will always remember how much she coveted my hair, and how warm she welcomed me into the family.  She also had a big mouth, but so do I.....hopefully by the time I've transcended this life, I'll have made some progress.  :o)

Marilyn's siblings.....people I didn't grow up with but love as if they were my own.

 Makenna, who has known Aunt Colleen all of 15 minutes, perfectly content to go home with her.  See??  Makenna loves them as quickly as I did.

 It has been a busy summer.  Darren is still working on his Masters, just began his 2nd year teaching in Shelley, and preparing his final project.  Sometimes it feels like we are ships passing in the night but I am grateful every day for this life Heavenly Father has blessed me with.  I have a healthy family, I get to be the mother of this beautiful creature, I'm married to another beautiful creature, and I know and see the hand of the Lord in my life and the lives of those around me, everyday.

A Giggle For Your Day

Made me giggle this morning....just had to share.....

The Joys and Fears of Motherhood

 The last month or so, at our house, has been a little unsteady for many reasons.  Baby Girl is teething.  Her little gums are working so hard on getting tooth number 5 and 6 (at least) through.  We went to Utah during this time and it seems to have unraveled the routine we had established so beautifully before, for eating and sleeping.  

   As Darren and I are very fond of sleep and clearly, not people who function well on 6 hours of sleep, we are a bit pooped.  Striving for a Masters degree and working full time have assisted in our tiredness and we are often humbled by those who are doing much more than we are, with many more little bodies than we have.  

   However, each day, I am blessed with glimpses of the past.  As if having my own Scrooge visitors that rewind time, I ponder on my life before She came.  A life that was good, and filled with love, and very purposeful.  And then She came and my purpose changed as it became so much deeper, required so much more of my own soul, and filled it with a love and purpose I have never ever known.

   Darren and I are M*A*S*H fans, and on one particular episode everyone at the 4077 was stressed and tired and a bit edgy.  As it common, they began comparing themselves to each other, trying to feel justified and understood in how hard it was for "me" to be here in Korea.  Hawkeye said how he hadn't seen his father in a lot longer than BJ had seen his wife and baby girl.  At which point, BJ nearly choked on his words as he said "You really think that is the same thing???"  At nearly the same time Margaret reminded BJ that it is because he had so much more to lose, because he was given so much more.

   And there I felt the danger of abundance......

So I spend my day worrying about everything that can go wrong, everything that could happen to my own Gift from heaven.  As will come many time, I am at a fork in the road where I can obsessively worry or I can enjoy and reverence that I am blessed to be her mother.  I am good at worry.  I am great at anticipating any possible hazard or catastrophe to my family.  Fortunately, I have been blessed with great faith.  I believe a large part of Her coming, was the faith of her mother.  In my gratitude and in my joy, I sometimes forget the other side of motherhood.                                                                    The side where you watch your child fight cancer......and lose before she sees her 8th birthday (my friend).  Or the side where you get word that your daughter is missing and you wait all night terrified, only to be told that she has drown and will never see her 2nd birthday (another friend).  Or the side where you watch your son contract spinal meningitis (before his 1st birthday) because of one immunization that wasn't given and who will forever be severely disabled (yet, another friend).  

   There is a deep and powerful strength that comes to a mother.  I have witnessed it for myself.  I have felt it and I STILL am in awe of these women with whom I share a title.  I worry that I am living up to that title, having not been to the depths of darkness that they have.  I worry more that I could be asked, like Abraham, to place my child on His altar.  I know that my control is limited in this matter, and so I use these teachers to remind me of what is most important.  I ponder these women and in my mind, I picture them encircled about in His arms to comfort and strengthen them in a way that only He can do.  I pray every day to be grateful, to release what is unimportant, to enjoy every single moment, and to forgive myself when I fall very, very short.  Sometimes we spend to much time with our faces to the pavement and forget to stop, stand up, look up, breathe deeply, and take in all the glories that are poured upon us every day.  And so I will keep practicing.....

A Little Birthday Girl.....(about 3 months ago....) *cough

Life at our house has been a wee bit busy the last 4 months, and I'm a loser and didn't take pictures of my daughter's first birthday.  Sigh.  I'm so grateful for my mother and my cousin Leslie, who actually remember to document those precious moments you can't ever get back.   
I've already done a post about what She has taught me.  This is a post mostly for pictures.  I am compelled, however, to add some beautiful Makenna-isms I have been blessed to witness. She is a very easy, very happy child.  

"Fire......ooooo, I LOVE fire!"

To have someone love you, like this little face, is the purest form of joy.  

Starting out so careful....

Bring it on!!

She loves to use food as shampoo and conditioner....

A quick bath in the sink in front of her guests.....She loves water.  Loves it.  Leslie's camera captured the drops so well!

How adorable is this little bird mouth??

"Oh please bless I won't get water in my beautiful eyes!"

After her bath....presents!!  Everyone was too generous!  She was not left wanting.  In presents or love.

My sweet brother, Jake, got her this seal.....whom we keep mistaking as Elphie our cat.

My niece, my 94 year- old Grandmother, my mother in law.....such an odd composition of people so comfortable with each other on a couch, but if you know us, you know it's just perfect.

Makenna loves.....

*to have a bath

*dried blueberries

*to bother Oliver even amidst biting and whacking from him

*snuggle time with Mommy

*climbing over Mommy while she's on the floor

*when Daddy comes home from work and expects to be acknowledged and loved on immediately

*the freedom of crawling and now the freedom of walking

*hot dogs

*playing outside

*laying on Elphie....the other cat who is so patient with Makenna

*Grandma Suze

*her blankie made by Grandma Cecile

*flirting with strangers

*reading with Mommy

Makenna isn't very fond of....

*church being 3 hours long

*pureed baby food....we went from breast, to bottle, to whatever we are eating

*having to wait for her diaper to be changed

*the vaccum

*Mommy gone for too long

*applesauce or peaches.....so far

This baby girl has brought so much joy and purpose to my life.  Some days I have twinges of guilt, because I get to be a mother.  Guilt because I get to be HER mother.  And sometimes just fear that this beautiful life I have been given will be taken away.  I love this beautiful, messy, smiley, fussy, bundle of pure joy and I can't imagine my life without her.  Happy Birthday, my sweet daughter.....

Lessons SHE Has Taught Me

I am still waiting on pictures from Baby Girl's birthday party, but I wanted to post a few things that this little miracle baby has taught her mommy this past year.
As I mother my sweet daughter I have found that she is teaching me all the time. Sometimes it's a matter of reminding me of those day to day things that are important. Sometimes she is helping me experience something I didn't have at her age. Sometimes it's a reminder to take the time in the little moments, because they are rushing by, and once gone we just can't get them back.
So, I have seen my world anew through the eyes of a child, and it takes my breath away.
Makenna has reminded me......
*Chores are part of this life. They teach us responsibility, how to love work, and help us to build our character, but sometimes you just gotta sit IN the laundry and take a break.....


*Who needs FAO Schwarz, when you have a sturdy office box? Well, and Grandma to make it fun!


*Perfect hair is overrated. Spend a little less time worrying about how you look and a little more time on how you feel. Have fun and appreciate this marvelous little body you have been given. It's perfect!


*Oh, the nurturing a full belly, warm sunshine, and soft blankie can have on the soul.

*The people who love you might have a laugh or two at your expense, but it's totally based on love.

*The bathtub can be a water park wonderland if you stop long enough to just enjoy it.

*Sometimes you think you know it all and end up getting in a little over your head. It's okay to ask for help. It's even okay to pleeeeead!

*Oh, the magic of Christmas......the magic of those things that money cannot buy. The magic, the lights, the sounds and smells.....don't forget to take it all in and keep it close, because Jesus is there.

*Remember what it is like to nuzzle me.....how I smell, the sounds I make. And how much does my Daddy love me.

*The value of being held closely by someone who loves you so much. Don't be quick to pull away. It is a moment to be reverenced.....