The Beauty of One Life

I should probably pull my thoughts together before I write this post. However, when we experience a moment that forever changes you, it's best to put your thoughts to paper while everything is fresh. We always hope we will never forget, but we are human and we aren't getting any younger or any less busy.

This last weekend we went to Utah. We went to Utah because my brother-in-law, my healthy brother-in-law, passed away suddenly from complications from a massive tumor in his brain. A tumor he never knew was there. As I have pondered and prayed about this whole experience, many insights have come in those quiet moments of pondering and meditation.

Mike, my brother-in-law, left behind a beautiful family, many goals and experiences unseen, and many many people who are still reeling from the shock of this.

Mike married Camille (Darren's sister), just over a year before I married Darren.

Then, a year later, Darren's other sister married. For a little while, we were kind of all experiencing the same things and in similar stages of life. It was so fun!! We took a family vacation to Mount Rushmore, and I can't remember a more fun trip with these 2 women who have become my sisters.....and their husbands, my brothers.

Mike has one of those senses of humor that you aren't sure sometimes if he's serious or just messing with you. He's like my Dad, actually. And they are both usually

messing with you. He was always welcoming and kind. Always. Remembering some of the things we talked about over the years I KNOW a few things about him. I know that he loved Camille. They found each other a little later than most Utah marriages happen and had both have come from some differing life experiences, and so maybe that deepened his love for her. He knew the value of a companion like Camille. Marrying her was the best thing he ever did. Two more magnificent people came into his life when Camille had their 2 children, Brock and Jamie.

There are days that I change a diaper or pay a bill and think, my sweet sister (in law) is a widow. You are NOT supposed to be a widow at 42! I think of all the rites of passage that Mike will miss. All the events he won't see. There are days I see the mailman or hear the neighbors working on their deck and I think "how does life just go on like business as usual??" Shouldn't the world stop?

I watched Camille plan a funeral. I watched her help her children understand this, with a wisdom and a gentleness I am still working on. I watched her comfort others. I watched her allow all of us into that place in your heart where lie all things reverent. I watched her rely on her Savior like Job did. I found myself praying that I could be half the woman she is by the time I'm 70.

In a way, I get to see Camille everyday.....because my daughter has her eyes. I noticed it when Makenna began smiling. If you cover everything but her eyes you know she's smiling. Her big blue eyes turn into little half moons when she smiles, just like Aunt Camille's do. As I have looked into those eyes this last weekend, I see the faith of Hannah, the resolve of Esther, the kindness of Mary, and the wisdom of Elizabeth.

Each day I feel like Nephi as I also "do not understand the meaning of all things. But I know that the Lord loveth his children."

I know that Camille is one of His favorite children. I also know that it is through challenges of this magnitude that we are offered a chance to see His face and see through the eternities, differently. The day to day is never the same. Life is delicate and precious. It is through these difficulties that we see things more like He sees them. Each day I thank Mike for being part of our family. I thank him for his example of being prepared for anything. I thank him for Brock and for Jamie. I thank him for making me laugh and always taking people as they come. I thank him for helping me to reverence life differently than I ever have. I thank him for helping me value my family more deeply and love my covenants with greater strength. Because life is delicate......and precious......and can change so quickly.